Mayday Diaries: Freelancing, Fatigue, and the Fight to Keep Going

When the calendar flipped to May, I thought I'd feel some sort of fresh start. But no—May came in like a wave I wasn’t ready for. No "new month, new me" energy. Just the same load of work, emotions, and self-imposed pressure to hit my goals.

The first two days of May? I stayed home. But not to rest—I was up early working, and still wide awake at 5 in the morning, trying to tick off tasks and battle with my thoughts. This is the freelance life I once dreamed of... but lately, it’s felt heavier than usual.

🗓️ May 1, Thursday — A Holiday I Didn’t Get to Enjoy

In the Philippines, May 1 is Labor Day. For most people, it's a holiday—a break from the 9-to-5 grind. But for freelancers like me? It's just another workday.

I woke up at 7 AM, not because I had enough sleep, but because I knew my to-do list was already waiting for me. I opened my laptop, checked emails, responded to clients, and jumped straight into editing drafts and revising blog articles.

While others were out celebrating, maybe spending time with family or catching up on sleep, I was at my desk with coffee in hand and my brain racing to stay ahead of deadlines.

I kept telling myself, "This is what you signed up for, right? This is the hustle."

But deep down, I wished I could slow down—even just for one day.

🎯 The Pressure of Goals I Set Myself

One big reason I’ve been so hard on myself this month is because of the goals I set earlier this year. Personal goals. Big ones.

• Consistent content creation

• Growing my freelance client base

• Expanding income streams

• And, supposedly, more “me time” (which honestly hasn’t happened yet)

I told myself that by May, I should already be seeing progress. Results. Tangible wins. But now that it’s here, I mostly feel exhausted. Not accomplished—just overwhelmed.

And what makes it harder? These are goals I created for myself. No one else is pushing me but me. I want to succeed. I want to prove I can do it. But it’s tough when your motivation is barely surviving the weight of your own expectations.

🌃 May 2, Friday — Still Awake at 5 AM

By the time May 2 rolled in, I was still in the same loop. Wake up early, sit down at the desk, work all day, then stay up way past midnight—until 5 in the morning, again.

My eyes were tired. My body was screaming for rest. But my mind? It wouldn’t stop.

I had clients messaging me from different time zones. Projects piling up. Edits, uploads, strategy planning, and more. Every task felt urgent. And I couldn’t bring myself to say “no” or even pause.

Because if I pause, I fall behind. And if I fall behind, the guilt creeps in.

This is the part of freelancing no one really talks about—the burnout, the invisible pressure, the emotional exhaustion that hits when you’re doing everything alone.

😔 Feeling Down Without a Reason

Honestly, what’s been hardest these past two days isn’t just the physical tiredness.

It’s the emotional weight.

I’ve been feeling down lately. Not the kind you can explain easily. Just a quiet, creeping sadness that sits with you even while you're being “productive.” It’s that strange mix of feeling busy yet empty.

And the thing is, as a freelancer, there’s no such thing as calling in “sick” because you’re emotionally drained. You work through it. You keep showing up. You smile in emails. You hit deadlines.

Even when you're breaking inside.

💡 Note to Self: You’re Not Lazy, You’re Just Tired

I've been beating myself up for not finishing everything on my list. For moving slower. For not being “productive enough.”

But I had to pause and remind myself: I’m not lazy. I’m just exhausted.

There’s a difference. And I need to give myself grace. I’ve been pushing so hard—mentally, emotionally, physically. It’s okay to not hit 100% every single day.

What matters is that I’m still here. Still trying.

🌱 Small Steps Still Count

The truth is, I don’t know how the rest of May will unfold. But even if I’m unsure, I know I’m doing my best with what I have. And that counts for something.

Even if I’m not smashing goals every day...
Even if I wake up tired and sleep even more tired...
Even if I cry in between editing and uploading...

I’m still showing up for myself.

And that, my friend, is progress.

🙋‍♀️ To Fellow Freelancers Out There

If you’re a freelancer too, and you’ve been feeling the same way—this blog post is for you. We may not clock in or clock out like others do, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t working hard.

Some days are smooth. Others are draining. Some days we feel on top of the world. Other days, we’re barely hanging on.

But we keep going. Because we believe in our dreams. Because we’re building something meaningful. Because we’re stronger than we think.

✨ Dear May... Be Kind

So far, May has been tough. But I’m hopeful.

I’m hopeful that as the days pass, I’ll find better rhythm. More clarity. Maybe a bit more rest. I’m not expecting miracles—just moments of peace, some wins along the way, and the strength to keep going.

To everyone feeling overwhelmed this early into the month—please know you’re not alone. You’re doing enough. You are enough.

And even if you’re still awake at 5 AM like me, remember: you’re not failing. You’re just in the middle of your story.

And the best chapters? They're still coming.

#DeeMayangDiaries #FreelanceLife #EarlyMayFeels #StillFighting #MentalHealthAwareness #FilipinaFreelancer